i hold true to the fact
that not everything in life is fair.

so if not everything is fair,
then why does everything always happen for a reason?

Are the unjustly occurances that happen to the innocent
a happening of fate?
or is it just the undeserving getting lucky?

is fate ordained by God?
or is there no fate at all?
do we change our minds too many times to even say that fate controls our destiny?
ultimate question:
If there was fate then why would God create the people He knew where going to Hell?


seem fair?
well life isn't...

sweet dreams.

i am currently the girl that lies awake
spilling her inner most thoughts on this box that
which most of the words will end up miss typed.
but i guess thats just my style now-a-days.


its later than usual at this state of mind.
my head is relieved from the world
because i know that sleep is bound to come,
taking me away from this wretched place
and drifting me off into the imagination i call my dreams.
if only for a little while...

i will wake up in time
to put on the face i am unsure of
and walk out into the halls of the memories
i will probably forget in the long run...

so strap on tight,
cause the night is about to end.

when it storms
i think of what we could have been.
how you were the who was the one who knew i was afraid,
and you were the one that call months later to check and tell me it was ok.

its when it lightenings that i miss you the most,
but then my largest dream was the one that got shot down the hardest
and i was the one that fell
while you walked away.

only until now i stood back up
and redeemed myself


but then here comes the thunder again.

the vacation spot of a life time is right here in my room.
its the place where all of the distresses of the days are thrown in my floor,
shoved under the bed and in crevices where they can never be ruturned.
only in my room
can i cry my self to justify the worngs.
only in my room
can i completly be myself.
only in my room
have i echoed the real my soul from the inside out.
and only in my room
can my opinions become factual.


no one judges in my room
because i have no one to judge.

there is only me
in my perfect little sanctuary.
my room

the things i have learn in the past few months

is that worldy things do not satisfy.

the things that matter to a person are usually meaningless in the long run,
so why do they matter to begin with?

making sense of the extraordinary is not somthing easily explained
and can never be comprehended.

living an entire life on something you have never seen,
seems like an useless goal.
but we call it faith.


why are the questions in life so hard,
but we live by the answer?

living as someone you are not
is just selling yourself short of the potential you carry.

doing your best is most of the time not good enough
especially to the person who is better.

trying your hardest doesnt mean you suceeded.

your friend will let you down,
thats why you have God.

never let your heart be fooled by the sayings of another human.

sitting alone is not a bad thing,
it just means that your more dependent on yourself than others.

church is the one place that gets me away from the sin of the world.

even if there ends up being no God(which i know there will be)
i can say that he was the best imaginary friend i ever had.

the most important things are not finding love,
its loving yourself.

things that sparatically come in my mind are not words of wisdom
they are words of me.
what you say is your character.
how you dress puts you in an image that people classify.
your thoughts are heard by God.
what and who you are around is what you will become.
saving one more soul is all that God asks.




God Bless

"you were my lover and my bestfriend"
although not in reality
you were.

i missing my other half of my heart.
you took it with you when you left
and i am wondering if i will ever get it back again.


and quite honestly i dont mind if you keep it.just try not to break it in to a million peices
like the half i have.
casue the half i have is going to take a long time to put back together again.



so take care of my heart
it is in your hands.

you will keep it forever
cause you will always remain my love.

and when i said no matter what
i meant it then
and i mean it now.


so leave me to miss you
and i will be fine.

ok.
so i lost the true love.
the one that i adored the most.
i grinded down and did the thing that i thought impossible to do.
i fought the battle.
and now am not sure it was for the right reasons.

now i lay here
bitter and confused.
the thoughts streaming through my head
of the memories we shared
of the times we will keep.

you are and will be a part of me.
the emptiness inside of me is only for you.
you are the only one who can make me whole once more.

you were the happiness to my days
and i hope that you can only find the joy that you gave me for all of our days.

as time passes by
taking its sweet time

you will find the one whose shoes i could not fill,
and you will be looking at me as only a stepping stone
or a pebble tossed and sunk.
i will soon be forgotten in the rhelm of the passing.

but memories do not fade.
and neither will we.


we will still be apart of the history we made
as the incredibles.

the ones no one thought possible.

we achieved it baby,
and you will do it again.



i miss you already,
and i always will.


i wish you all the wonderful things that you deserve and more.
and i know you will find the one that is really the one.
i love you.
court.